dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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