I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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