Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
