there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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