hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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