Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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