This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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