Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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