She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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