it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
