Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
