I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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