I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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