My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
