I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
