They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
