who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
