Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
