He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
