I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
