i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
