please come you make the beer taste better
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
