So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize