my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
