Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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