he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
