I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
