i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
where are my eyebrows?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
