Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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