So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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