They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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