ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
