We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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