Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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