Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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