after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
