My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
