You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
