i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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