I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
