dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
