k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
