haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
