in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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