Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
