You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
