Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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