i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
