I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
