My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
