Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
