Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
