I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
