I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
