On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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