Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
