I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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