I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
