i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
