he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My bed smells like the plague
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
