In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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