I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
