Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
