Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
