Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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