Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
